Hey! I am back to update my blog again, at this point of late time again!=)..Lolz..haha..anyway since now, I got the feeling to update, I might as well make use of it, and write an entry now!=)..ok, I AM FINALLY GOING TO GET TO SPEND TIME WITH XIUYI TOMORROW!=)..lolz..haha..i am feeling so warm and happy at heart now!..sigh..but I don't whether should go and watch the movie, X-Men 3 anot, as I know that even though xiuyi said that she will go and watch with me, as she knows that I wanted to watch that show, but I feels like I am forcing her again, as she is forcing herself to go watch with me, as she knows that by doing so, I will be happy!..And my friends who know me well, will sure know that I will NEVER want to force xiuyi, to do anything she don't want, even if it will cause me to feel sad and bad!..I never will force xiuyi to do things she doesn't want to do, and I rather I feels sad and hurt rather than forcing her!..it just pain me, when I know that she had been forcing herself or I had been forcing her and I never wanted history to repeat itself, as until now, I still could remember clearly, what she told me when she first rejected me..

"Every time when you message me, I am like forcing myself to reply you, and whenever you ask me to go out, I will be like forcing myself to go!"

These sentences stills leave a deep scar in my heart, even it had already happen for so long ago. I did said before I will never forget what she had told me, what we done together, even if it is a bad and hurting memory! And some of you out there must be thinking, "why you are so stupid?! Forget all the bad and hurting memories!" but too bad I can't, as she had played a very important in my life, and there no way I am going to forget what she had said, and done with me because I had loved her so dearly!=)..

YES, I LOVE HER SO DEARLY!..this shall explain the question to people who had heard about my love life, and say that I lead a very sad love life, and asked me why I still didn't choose to give up as there is sure to be much better girls out there for me! But the answer, is because she is already too deep in my heart, and there no way I can get her out of it, that why still now, I still love her so much! While regarding the question, why I still don't want to give up on her? Well the answer to it, is that she is already too deep inside my heart plus my heart can't seem to find another suitable person to replace her, and it seem to be had confirm that the only girl, it wants is xiuyi! It had been 9 months of knowing her and loving her already, and there nothing to lie about, I am feeling very exhausted which is worse than tired. First 4 months of all the sweet and nice memory and life, then come the 2 months of endless misses of her, tiredness and confusion. Btw the time reach the 7th months till the now, which is the 9th months, I am already too exhausted already, I had lost almost all my will to fight back which I had during the first 4 months, but gradually lose them during the 5th months and 6th months as most of them are used to fight back my endless misses of her and confusion, hence resulted in my tiredness, and with only limited amount of energy left to protect my heart from receiving too much sadness and pain..and yes, I must admit I am longer mentally strong as what I was like when I am still in band. You just ask xiuyi to tell me something to affect me, and the next moment, you will see me become very tired and very quiet.

And yet at times, after hearing all those comments made by my friends and those who had read my blog, I really can't help it, but to fall into deep thoughts! I always wonder whether I am equally important in xiuyi's heart anot, like the way she is in mine? Has she treasure me as much as I had treasure her, and never take me for granted? Will she appreciate all the things I had done for her? And if one day, I really suddenly disappear from her life, will she ever try to go and find me? Will she ever miss me as much as I had missed her when I am not with her? And am I just like her some other normal friends, and don't have any significant in her heart at all?..sigh..these thoughts often really put me to great tiredness! Yet I never have the courage to ask her as I had said above that I am longer mentally strong as in the past! And all these answers, only she herself will know..

And yes, I still remember whenever I saw couple holding hands or being together in a very sweet, I just help it, but feels so envious at them, and also sadness start to feels my heart. Because it reminds me of how I was like with xiuyi for the first four months! Everything then looks so promising and life then was full of sweetness, which can leave me smiling for months. But yet, that time I guess I just had not done enough to treasure her, and also due to my young and desperate mind that time, I lose everything at my own hands. Yes, until now, I never had really blamed her for anything, not even for the things she had say. The main purpose of it was not to let her feels guilty or anything else, as I know that whenever I see her being sad, I just feel so affected and bad in heart. As I feel that I had not done my part to protect her from all this! And yes, some of you out there will sure say, " you are not even her boyfriend, why still feels so affected, and still want to protect her?" ..the main reason was just because I love her!..and that all I can say..

That why I really need her and her final key, as I know that it will sure restore almost everything in me! I am not saying that xiuyi is ruling my life, and without her, I can't do anything, but she is the one ruling the love department in my souls. But no matter how exhausted I am, there no way I am going to give up, as I am going to hang on to the last! But I really hope that she will give me the chance to open a new chapter in her life and my life, and I promise I will never let her down! I will just to wait for her to give me her answer, and I am not going to force to give me one!=) because if she wants to give, then she will give me de, but if she don’t want to give than there is no use forcing her!=)..

"When one really love a person too deep, it will take more than a hundred atomic bomb to clear that person off one heart! But yet, the deeper you love someone, you more you will suffer and get hurt! So learn to take thing easily as what is yours will forever be yours. But yet don't take things which are yours for granted, as it might also leave you, even if it is meant to be yours! Treasure is a beautiful and power words, learn and use it well!=) "

Ok, I guess this is the longest blog I had ever written! And also with the most things that had been hidden in my heart for a long time, to be reveal!=) I think I will stop here now, so good night to all ba!=)